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As asked by a tumblr follower: “If you could write 10 commandments for sex, what would they be?”
The Ten Commandments of Sex
- In all things, in all times, in all places, thou shalt remember and heed these words: “NO” means “NO.” If thou art halfway to third base, if thou art married or single, verily if thou art mid-coitus, “NO” means “NO” and thou shalt stop, lest thou wishest to become a rapist. Unless perchance thou art in a relationship in which “no” means “yes”, for then thou shalt choose and employ an agreed-upon safe word in advance.
- Thou shalt never engage in sexual contact of any kind, even in thy mind, with persons under the legal age of consent lest ye burn in a special corner of hell.
- Thou shalt communicate with thy partner. Thou shalt listen to and respond to his or her needs and expectations, but also shalt thou be open and honest about thy own needs and expectations.
- Thou shalt not commit surprise anal, for by such acts has paradise been lost.
- Thou shalt not perform fellatio or cunnilingus out of rote, for both acts require enthusiasm and enjoyment by the giver to be a great treasure to the receiver.
- Thou shalt make and respect thy own relationship boundaries as a couple, for if thou dost not know thy limits, thou mayst not be put out when they are inadvertently crossed.
- Thou shalt not do anything that is distasteful to thy partner, being mindful in all things of thy partner’s tastes, preferences, and personal hang-ups.
- When thou hears the words, “Don’t stop,” thou shalt not stop. Thou shalt not speed up. Thou shalt not switch positions. Thou shalt not slow down. Thou shalt not do it harder. Thou shalt not do it softer. Thou shalt continue without change or variation lest thou lose the orgasm and incur the wrath or scorn of thy partner.
- Thou shalt not dismiss thy partners desires out of hand, for one doth not know what one likes until one tries it.
- Thou shalt not forbid thy partner to enjoy porn; neither shall ye make editorial comments about what one finds in thy partner’s secret porn stash, for there is little harm to be found in clown porn or urine fetishism.
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